I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
