If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
COCAINE IS GR8
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
