Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
