I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
