and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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