Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
