smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
