How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
