i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize