Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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