He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
