I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
