I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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