She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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