I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize