So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
