shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
