I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
