this boner is exhausting
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
