He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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