The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
