She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
