pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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