Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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