I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize