You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
