Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
