I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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