Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
