Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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