at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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