Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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