Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
