Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
