closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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