she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
