i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
