he thought i was a dude.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
