You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How external is "for external use only"?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
