we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
