Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
