Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
