considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
