Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He had one of those small greek statue penises
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
