there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize