Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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