You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
