I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
