I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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