Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
