sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
