Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
