She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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