its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
