You're so nebulous sometimes
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
