She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We just shotgunned beers for America
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
