Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
