It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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