I think my vagina is haunted
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
