im drinking this country out of the recession.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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