now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
