Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I believe in your delicious
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize