He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
