you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
