If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
