She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
