I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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