the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Randomize
