my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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