So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We got so high we made milksteak
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
