A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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