he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
