she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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