A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
how does that bad decision feel?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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