Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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