I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
