Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she peed on how many people?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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