she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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