Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
