I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
