She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
