just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
