Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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