You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Found the puke drawer
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
