i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
