Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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