the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
