Got a toothbrush?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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