Jerry, you need to find god
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We need to rekindle our bromance
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
