Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
