i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
