Plan B is the new Plan A
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
