yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
