There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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