THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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