hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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