oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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