The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
