I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
