I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
