We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
