i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
