I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
