Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
