I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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