If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
