In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
