I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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