Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
