He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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