She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize