apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My balls are so social today.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Success! We fucked roommates!
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