At least make sure they are 18
Why
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
