Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
